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The Register

Biting the hand that feeds IT

Codename Brainwave: Microsoft reveals tricks and tips for whipping cloud FPGAs into shape

Pipelining, on-die memories exploited in Azure

Hot Chips Microsoft today teased chip designers with Brainwave, its cloud-hosted pool of FPGAs designed to perform AI stuff in real time.?

Google slaps a suit on beefed up Chrome OS, offers Enterprise version for business

Getting a bit crowded in here, isn't it, Microsoft?

Google is making a push for its Chrome OS in the business space with a new Enterprise edition of the cloud-centric operating system.?

Sysadmins told to update their software or risk killing the internet

The DNS signing keys are changing for the first time

The world's internet providers and sysadmins need to make sure they are running up-to-date software or they risk cutting their customers off from the internet in October, DNS overseer ICANN has warned.?

Smart robots prove stupidly easy to hack for spying and murder

Your plastic pal who's psychotic

Robots are increasingly common in the 21st Century, both on the factory floor and in the home, however it appears their security systems are anything but modern and high tech.?

Verizon kicks out hot new Unlimited* plans

*By 'unlimited' they mean 'significantly limited'

US telecom goliath Verizon has replaced its single unlimited phone plan with four new options that all throttle video and bandwidth.?

Apple iCloud Keychain easily slurped, ElcomSoft says

Credentials stored in the cloud succumb to forensic software

ElcomSoft, the Russia-based maker of forensic software, has managed to find a way to access the data stored in Apple's iCloud Keychain, if Apple ID account credentials are available.?

Can North Korean nukes hit US mainland? Maybe. But EMP blast threat is 'highly credible'

El Reg talks to experts on Kim's capabilities

Feature When they said a week is a lifetime in politics, they weren't kidding.?

Micron's new storage division lead is third former SanDisk recruit

Anand Jayapalan replaces Darren Thomas

Micron has replaced its storage business unit VP, Darren Thomas, with a former SanDisk exec, Anand Jayapalan.?

DJI's Spark drones to be bricked by September 1 unless firmware updated

There is no 'my way or the highway', just my way

Hackers have boasted that DJI's latest Spark drone firmware update was bypassed in mere hours ? including downtime to enjoy the recent solar eclipse.?

Kraut coppers seize 5,000 Donald Trump-shaped dance biscuits

Making raves great again, like, the best you've ever been to

Cops in northwestern Germany have seized 5,000 ecstasy tabs fashioned in the image of Donald J Trump's head, indicating the prez continues to inspire people to seek out an alternative reality.?

End-point backupper Druva stuffs sack with another $80m in VC cash

Funding round lifts startup's profile and firepower

End-point backup and data governance starup Druva has just raked in an $80m funding round less than a year after it pulled in $52m.?

US Navy suffers third ship collision this year

Deaths of sailors prompt admirals to halt all warship ops

The accident-prone US Navy has suspended all of its warship operations around the world following its third collision at sea this year.?

If there's a hole in your S3 bucket, data thieves will be sprayed by Macie

Data loss prevention bot patrols Amazon's cloud storage solution

Analysis Data loss prevention is about to get a whole lot smarter.?

Canadian outsourcer CGI to Nordic BI biz: Fancy ?98m cold ones, eh?

Affecto's 1k staff to merge with CGI if all-cash deal goes through

Canadian outsourcer CGI has made an all-cash offer for the Northern European data analytics firm Affecto.?

Fujitsu looking to flog its smartphones biz ? report

How's that 'digital transformation' going?

For its latest "digital transformation", Fujitsu is trying to sell off its mobile phone business, according to reports.?

Virgin Media customers complain of outages across UK

Not looking good for cheesed off customers

Updated Virgin Media is seemingly suffering a series of outages accross the country, with aggrieved customers using alternate methods to air their ire at the telco.?

Continuous integration platforms are broken ? here's what needs fixing

New survey polls developers' 'unmet needs'

About half of 3,880 participants in the 2016 "State of Agile" industry survey reported using continuous integration. Now new research from Oregon State University and University of Illinois suggests that the platforms still leave a lot to be desired.?

Biz sends apps to public cloud, waves 'bye to on-premises server folk. NO! WAIT!

Cloud cost rises, growth pushes staff demand up again

Research has found businesses need to hire more server staff ? but they're in limited supply.?

Cognitive Services, Clippy? AI's silent infiltration of Microsoft's Office stack

Facial and voice recognition ? just beware translations

In just over a year, Microsoft has launched and expanded a set of APIs called Cognitive Services, which handle everything from face and emotion recognition, to a Language Understanding Intelligence Service (yes, LUIS for short) and a Custom Decision Service.?

Sofa-jockeys given crack at virtual Formula 1 world championship

This whole 'Esport' thing looks serious ? for games developers looking to boost sales

Formula 1 has announced it's getting into ?e-sports?, the preferred phrase for competitive computer gaming, with a new ?Formula 1 Esports Series? that will see a virtual F1 champion crowned later this year.?

Want a medal? Microsoft 7.2% less bad at speech recognition than IBM

Clash of the machine-learning titans

In a machine learning tug-of-war, Microsoft may have just barely slipped ahead of IBM for speech transcription accuracy.?

Samsung gains ground on smartphones

Emerging markets are where it's at

Following a rocky year of recalls and other exciting events, Gartner has found that phone-slinger Samsung could be doing quite well.?

Disbanding your security team may not be an entirely dumb idea

Plenty of other teams have some security responsibility, so why not end the overlap?

Disbanding your security team may not be an entirely dumb idea, because plenty of other people in your organisation already overlap with their responsibilities, or could usefully do their jobs.?

Security outfit Root9B on the brink after default, may de-list

Listed company's creditors are circling so it's auctioning assets

Colorado security startup Root9B is teetering on the edge, with its creditors sending over a foreclosure nastygram after it defaulted last week.?

German court reveals reason for Europe-wide patent system freeze

Was it the EPO? Brexit? Insufficient support? Yes

The German federal court has finally revealed why it ordered a halt to the ratification of the Europe-wide Unitary Patent Court.?

Microsoft rolls its own hyperconverged appliance program

'Windows Server Software-Defined' program signs HPE, Lenovo, Fujitsu and Supermicro

Microsoft's revealed it's signed up several server vendors to make hyperconverged appliances running Windows Server natively.?

Boffins blast beats to bury secret sonar in your 'smart' home

Your Amazon Echo could live a double life as an echo-location device

Researchers at the University of Washington have devised a way of conducting surreptitious sonar surveillance using home devices equipped with microphones and speakers.?

Open AWS S3 bucket leaked hotel booking service data

Groupize denies report by researchers at Kromtech, but locks down repo anyway

Another day, another unsecured AWS storage bucket leaking corporate data, this time from hotel booking service Groupize.?

Phisherfolk dangle bait at dot-fish domain

Gill us now

Netcraft 'net watchers have cast a fly over the lake of generic TLDs, and turned up the first .fish domain dedicated to ? wait for it ? phishing.?

Private sub captain changes story, now says reporter died, was 'buried at sea' ? torso found

Crowdfunded submersible story somehow gets weirder

The story of a Danish inventor and a missing Swedish journalist has taken a bizarre turn, as Peter Madsen now claims he buried Kim Wall at sea.?

Groundhog Day! ACCC again calls for truth in broadband advertising

100 Mbps? Call it the 60 Mbps customers might actually experience at peak hour

The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) has fired off its latest salvo in its decades-long argument with the telco industry about internet speed claims in Australia, telling them to advertise typical speeds rather than theoretical maxima.?

Google's Android 8.0 Oreo has been served

The Chocolate Factory's mobile operating system comes with saccharine emoji filling

Google on Monday released Android 8.0 Oreo, the latest update to the world's most widely used operating system, as measured by internet usage.?

Who needs 5G? Qualcomm, Ericsson and Verizon hit 1Gbps with LTE gear

Trio squeezes a bit more life out of current-gen broadband standard

A group of researchers working for Verizon, Ericsson and Qualcomm say they have hit a record 1.07Gbps download rate with LTE hardware.?

Uh oh, scientists know how those diamonds got in Uranus, and they're telling everyone!

Stanford researchers figure out how icy outer planets make it rain gemstones

Researchers from Stanford have shown how the frigid, high-pressure atmospheres of the planets Uranus and Neptune can create a "rain" of diamonds.?

Science fiction great Brian Aldiss, 92, dies at his Oxford home

Super SF writers don't last all summer long

Obit Brian Aldiss OBE, one of the most popular and prolific science fiction writers of his generation, has passed way at his home one day after his 92nd birthday.?